Table of contents
As a parent of a child with autism, you know that every day presents a new challenge. Sometimes you feel you are taking a step forward only to take two steps back, which can be disheartening and frustrating. This is usually paired with a good dose of parental guilt – as if you already didn’t have enough of that!
But, with the right strategies and support, you can reduce frustrations by meeting your child exactly where they are at. This results in less pressure on your child, less disappointment for you, and a happier family dynamic. No two people with autism are the same, and it is vital to recognize and understand your child’s individual needs. Unfortunately, it’s easy to become so obsessed with the end goal and lose track of what matters. As parents, we don’t want to miss out on quality moments worth celebrating.
Why Do Parents Sometimes Feel Disappointed or Frustrated with Their Child with Autism?
There are endless reasons. Raising a child with autism is tough. Parents want their children to thrive and be ready to take on the world – it’s only natural. All parents experience disappointment and frustration – parents with neurotypical children included. But parents with autistic children put so much more pressure on themselves because they feel that getting their kids ready to cope is all on them and so much more urgent.
Many children with autism struggle with specific types of activities and skills. This is due to their unique way of processing and interpreting information. However, it’s also important to remember that all children learn differently and that there is no “one size fits all” approach to learning. As a result, it can be challenging to understand why your child is struggling. It’s important to remember that it’s normal to feel frustrated or disappointed when your child fails to make progress at the rate you expect them to. But there is nothing wrong with giving your child the time and space they need to learn and develop at their own pace. If you choose to live in the ‘now’ and don’t obsess over results, you can find joy in the journey, learn to love your child for who they are, and accept who they will never be.
Skills commonly affected by ASD
Children with autism struggle with a variety of skills. Communication and social skills are usually the most significant hurdles. Non-verbal children need to find ways to overcome one of the biggest barriers to human communication, the absence of verbal language, but even children who can speak don’t find it easy to express their needs or communicate effectively.
Poor social skills can make it awkward to interact with others, read social cues or respond appropriately. This can create extreme anxiety for parents who are constantly on their toes, expecting to have to intervene and ‘explain’ why their child behaved inappropriately.
Motor and cognitive skills can also be affected by ASD. Motor skills involve moving and using your body to complete tasks. Cognitive skills involve the ability to understand and process information.
Each time a parent watches a child behave in ways that set them apart from the group, their fears about the child’s future resurface anew.
It’s so important to remember to take a step back, look at your child’s strengths and celebrate them.
Every child has different abilities and needs, and meeting your child where he is at and matching your expectations to his abilities is essential to avoid negative feelings.
What does it mean to match your expectations in order to avoid frustration?
The most important thing you can do here is cut both you and your child some slack. Don’t get caught up in the things you think they should do but can’t. Comparing your child to other children, particularly neurotypical children can do so much damage to morale.
“When my son (who has HFA) was younger”, says Nicola, Mom of 22-year-old Eric, “I would hear my friends talk about play dates, Little League, and academics. I longed for us to be a part of that world because it was so ‘normal’. But as time wore on, I realized that although my son didn’t fit that mold, he has something completely unique to offer the world.”
Look at what makes your child special, embrace their differences and discover new things to appreciate about them as you go along your journey.
Setting realistic and achievable goals for your child can be done with the help of an ABA therapist, who works with parents to create goals. These goals should be tailored to your child’s needs and focus on building skills. Once you have done this for your child, you’ll need to create strategies to help them reach these goals, including using positive reinforcement, such as rewards and praise. You’ll also want to create a reward system tailored to your child’s needs.
The most crucial thing you can do for yourself and your child is to make the goals achievable. This will help you avoid expectations that are too high. It will also boost your child’s confidence and self-esteem and helps them stay motivated and on track. And be patient – your child may not always meet your expectations. You must give them the time and space – to focus on their progress rather than the end goal. This will help you to stay positive and to avoid frustration.
It is also essential to understand that your child may not reach the same level of development as their peers. This can be difficult for parents, but remember that every child is different and comparing progress to others is unhelpful.
Know Your Child’s Current Ability
One of the keys to matching your expectations to your child’s current ability level is knowing your child’s current abilities. We never want to underestimate abilities but we must also try not to overestimate abilities. Misunderstanding their true ability level can set you and your child up for failure, and frustration. You need to take the time to observe and assess your child’s current level of functioning. This can include observing behavior, communication, and social skills, and learning what strategies you can use to help them reach their potential. It can be tricky sometimes to figure it all out. Your child’s ABA therapist or doctor can help you better understand your child’s current ability level, provide valuable insight into your child’s development, and help you create a plan for meeting their needs.
Benefits of Meeting Your Child Where They’re At
By understanding their abilities and setting realistic goals and expectations, you’ll be able to provide them with the support and encouragement they need. This will also help to avoid disappointment and frustration. Another benefit of meeting your child where they’re at is that you’ll be able to focus on their growth and ability. You’ll be able to notice the progress your child makes, celebrate the small wins, and focus on what’s important.
Finally, you’ll be able to create a positive and supportive environment for them. This will help to foster a sense of confidence and self-esteem and will help your child feel accepted and valued.
Strategies for Staying Positive
- It might not always be easy, but staying positive is important. This means avoiding “shoulds” and focusing on what your child can do.
- Equally important is staying focused on what you as a parent can do right now and letting go of the things beyond your control. It’s really hard to accept that our child’s development is not in our hands especially as we devote so much effort into doing whatever we can to improve their skills. But keep in mind that what cannot be helped today may in the future be something to work on. If you can master this mindset, you’ll be able to be more relaxed and feel less guilt as you navigate your challenging moments.
- Be patient and understanding regarding progress and setbacks, encourage and help your child to believe in themselves, and provide opportunities to practice the skills they’re learning. This also makes it easier to achieve their goals.
- Be flexible and willing to adjust goals as your child’s abilities and needs change. And be open to trying new strategies and approaches if required.
It can be challenging to know how to best support your child. But the truth is, meeting your child where they’re at and understanding their abilities is at the heart of unlocking their abilities. By taking the time to get to know your child and understand their unique abilities, you’ll be able to set realistic goals and expectations.
Circle Care Services in New Jersey and Massachusetts is here to help if you need support building your child’s skills. We can help determine the prerequisite skills that your child already possesses and establish key goals that will support and facilitate their development of higher-level success. In addition, our staff is equipped to help your child and your family with communication, social skills, behavior concerns, and parent training.
If you’re interested in learning more, consider signing up for our email list! We send helpful tips and tricks for parents of children with autism who might benefit.
Leave a Reply