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How To Connect & Give Attention to Your Child Who Doesn’t Connect with You

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One of the most incredible challenges of raising children with autism is accepting that the emotional connection and need to express affection are not always mirrored. It’s often believed that those with autism spectrum disorder lack empathy and the ability to feel emotion – but it is not the case. Instead, the difficulty lies in their underdeveloped communication skills, which make it challenging to perceive emotions and respond appropriately.

Dad Holding Daughter In The Air For A Hug

Children with autism may have limited cognitive empathy, which is the ability to recognize what they are feeling or what others are feeling based on body language and other non-verbal cues. However, their effective empathy – the ability to literally feel someone else’s emotions, based on instincts and involuntary responses – is often heightened.

Internalizing these instincts can be overwhelming, causing the child to withdraw.

Eye Contact and Children with Autism

We associate gazing into someone’s eyes as the ultimate bonding experience and an expression of deep affection. It can be disheartening for a parent when their child avoids meeting their gaze. Many people on the autism spectrum struggle with eye contact – one of the essential elements of social interaction.

But lack of eye contact from children with autism is not based on indifference or inattention. They just lack social motivation due to their underdeveloped understanding of social interaction and communication skills. Forcing eye contact can result in the child feeling extremely stressed and anxious and lead them to withdraw even further.

How to Engage with Children with Autism

There are many alternative ways to connect with your child with autism  – they are just different from what many deem the norm. You can build a bond with your child if you adapt your way of thinking. You know your child well enough to know when you have their attention, even if it appears to others that they have zoned out or are ignoring you.

Before engaging with your child, ensure that you have their attention and always begin by using their name so they know you are speaking to them. Even if you are alone, it may not seem obvious to your child that you are talking to him/her unless they hear their name.

More often than not, those with autism spectrum disorder have a deep interest in something very specific – and this is the perfect tool to use to connect and engage.

Children with autism find it challenging to process too much information at once – especially filtering out the fluff and honing in on what is essential. For this reason, keep your communication specific, focusing on keywords and phrases.

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The Benefits of Structured Play

The adult takes the lead with structured play activities and provides the child with resources to offer direction. It is an excellent opportunity to connect with your child while modeling behavior such as sharing and taking turns. Many children with autism find these behaviors difficult, especially when they have siblings. Structured play comes with clear guidelines and a goal that can be described up front and reiterated as each step takes place.

Mother and Father On the Beach Holding Smiling Daughter

Children with autism spectrum disorder often find comfort in predictability and are less likely to feel stressed and overwhelmed if they can anticipate the outcome. Visual support can act as a reminder of what they can expect. Visual cues depicting the sequence will help them recall the objective. You can point to each cue, or reveal each step as you go, giving verbal reinforcement.

Once again, using your child’s interests and strengths will make them far more likely to engage, and it’s important to use activities within their capabilities. Being overambitious and offering activities that are too challenging can lead to anxiety and withdrawal. You also need to be realistic about the time the activity takes. Shorter, meaningful moments will go a lot further than trying to push too hard and spend too much time on one task.

How To Support Your Child’s Emotional Development

Children with autism need support when recognizing and managing emotions. They may not understand the spectrum of emotions that people experience and slap a general label on groups of emotions. For example, they may label all negative emotions as anger or fear. Or, if they notice someone expressing irritation or frustration at an external factor, they may automatically assume that the person is angry at them and become stressed. They need guidance in interpreting and responding to other people’s emotions as much as they need support in internalizing their own.

Minor changes to everyday interactions can help your child navigate the intricacies of human emotions.

For example, point out and name the emotions that you see expressed in stories or on TV.

Acknowledge their emotions by giving them a name. For example, “Your brow is furrowed, and your arms are crossed – you must be angry.”

Describe your own emotional responses. For example, if you are happy, say something like, “I am happy. That is why I am smiling’. There are some tremendous structured activities out there that can help your child learn how to properly identify emotions.

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Get The Support You Need

Remember that you are not alone, and there are resources and therapies to guide you. If you need advice about connecting with your child with autism, Circle Care Services in New Jersey is here to help. Our specialists are equipped to help your child and your family with communication, social skills, behavior concerns, and parenting training. If you want more tips and tricks like this, sign up to receive emails from Circle Care. We send helpful information to parents of children with autism!

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10 Outdoor Activities and Trips in New Jersey for Children With Autism

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If you have a child with autism, you’re probably aware of the importance of having access to sensory-friendly places. On the other hand, you might not even be familiar with the concept of a sensory-friendly environment. To put it simply, a sensory-friendly place is a space that has been altered or changed in some way to be more calming for the senses. These include your five basic senses and your sense of balance and movement.

As you may well know, many children with autism experience sensory overload, which means their five senses absorb more information than their brains can process. This often makes them feel overwhelmed and a range of other negative emotions.

There are a variety of ways to create a sensory-friendly place. Here are some common and effective ways to make a more sensory-friendly environment.

Family Of Four Running Through A Field At Sunset
  • Reduced noise
  • Dimmed lighting
  • Quiet zones
  • Designated bathrooms
  • Eliminated scents or smells
  • Accessible seating
  • Reduced clutter

If you live in New Jersey and you’re looking for outdoor trips for your child with autism, you’re in the absolute right place. Bear in mind that the places listed below can have just one or two of the features listed above or a combination of those features, and you should never assume that a place has every one of them. Instead, you should do your due diligence and make sure the place you’re thinking of visiting has all the accommodations you need for your child.

1. Jake’s Place Play Areas, Cherry Hill and Delran

Known for its “playgrounds for everybody,” Jake’s Place play areas have balance beams, bridges, rock walls, stepping circles, and climber equipment, as well as specialized areas for children with autism. For enhanced safety, there’s also a fence surrounding the perimeter.

Built-in Challenger Park in Camden County to honor Jacob Miles Cummings-Nasto, who suffered from a rare cardiac condition that prevented him from enjoying certain activities in a traditional playground, this award-winning play place was founded on the belief that all children, including those with autism, deserve a place to play.

  • Cherry Hill address: 101 Bortons Mill Road, Cherry Hill, N.J. 08034
  • Delran address: 12 Hartford Road, Delran, N.J. 08075
  • Phone number: (856) 662-4418

2. Cape May County Park and Zoo, Cape May Court House

This 85-acre zoo, which is home to over 550 animals across 250 species, is the perfect place for your child with autism. Chances are that you’re aware of the fact that children with autism spectrum disorder benefit greatly from being around animals since animals provide a comforting presence and can alleviate stress and anxiety.

The zoo also boasts lush country gardens and a peaceful natural environment, not to mention a large playground right outside the zoo gates, that your child will surely enjoy.

  • Address: 707 Route 9 North, Cape May Court House, N.J. 08210
  • Phone number: (609) 465-5271

3. Heart of Surfing, Egg Harbor Township

Heart of Surfing, a nonprofit organization, teaches children with autism and other developmental disabilities how to surf, do yoga, roller skate, engage in fitness activities, and create art.

Although the organization started just a few years ago with only a few participating families, it has grown tremendously and continues to thrive.

  • Address: 409 Superior Rd Egg Harbor Township, NJ 08234
  • Phone number: (609) 705-5323

4. Trailside Nature and Science Center, Mountainside

Families who want to experience a calming and airy complex that exhibits wetlands, forests, and meadows should consider visiting Trailside Nature and Science Center. Other features of this place include a bird habitat, a wildlife viewing area, and a children’s discovery room that your child with autism will surely enjoy. There are also scenic nature trails through the Watchung Reservation, which is known for being the largest park in Union County.

Behind the center, there’s a sensory-friendly trail designed to encourage interaction and stimulate the senses in a fun and enjoyable way.

  • Address: 452 New Providence Road, Mountainside, N.J. 07092
  • Phone number: (908) 789-3670

5. Sahara Sam’s Oasis Indoor & Outdoor Waterpark, West Berlin

Special Needs Events at Sahara Sam’s Oasis offers fun and judgment-free evenings for individuals with developmental disabilities, including children with autism, to enjoy the waterpark with their friends and families.

Family Of Four Blowing Bubbles In A Field

People who attend “Special Evenings at Sam’s,” also known as S.E.A.S., benefit from significantly reduced rates and a program that’s specifically designed to cater to the needs of individuals with developmental disabilities.

  • Address: 535 North Route 73, West Berlin, NJ 08091
  • Phone number: (856) 767-7580

6. Allaire Community Farm, Wall Township

Through its working farm environment and rescued animals, Allaire Community Farm seeks to “nurture through nature” children with developmental disabilities, as well as teens experiencing mental health issues, families battling cancer and veterans with PTSD.

Its outreach, events, and programs use equine therapy, animal therapy, vocational training, and organic gardening to support these families and individuals. In addition, the greenhouses and gardens support families that are undergoing financial or medical hardships, and all funds that the nonprofit farm generates are allocated towards propelling the organization’s mission.

  • Address: 1923 Baileys Corner Road, Wall Township, N.J. 07719
  • Phone number: (732) 796-3298
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7. Storybook Land, Egg Harbor Township

This quaint amusement park in Egg Harbor Township is all about nursery rhymes and children’s stories. Storybook Land offers a calming room, a quiet dining area, and a sensory-sensitive space where your child with autism can take a break.

It also hosts “Sensory Sensitive Weekends,” where music and sounds are brought down to lower decibels, geysers, and other water features are turned off, and Medical Access Passes (MAPs) are made available to families that can’t wait in line for food or rides.

  • Address: 6415 E Black Horse Pike, Egg Harbor Township, NJ 08234
  • Phone number: (609) 646-0103

8. Diggerland, West Berlin

Diggerland, which prides itself on being America’s only construction and waterpark, gives families with children the opportunity to ride, drive, and operate real machines in a fun, safe, and structured environment. And, when they’re not operating specially engineered machines, they can visit The Water Main, a construction-themed waterpark, to swim, soak, and slide.

Another feature that makes Diggerland ideal for your child with autism is that it offers fun, judgment-free “Special Abilities Nights” throughout the course of the year.

  • Address: 100 Pinedge Dr, West Berlin, NJ 08091
  • Phone: (856) 768-1110

9. Red Bull Arena, Harrison

If you’re looking for sensory-friendly places for your child, major league sports stadiums are probably not the first places that come to mind. However, in 2017, the New York Red Bulls established a “Permanent Sensory Room” so individuals with autism could take a break from the highly energetic, stimulating atmosphere of a major league soccer match.

Mother & Father Giving Their Children Piggy Back Rides Outdoors

The Red Bulls turned the arena’s executive office space into a calming area with light-colored walls and dimmed lighting. There are also fidget toys, visual aids, and sensory sacks filled with stress balls, headphones, and other sensory regulation coping tools for your child with autism to use.

Lastly, during the season, the Red Bulls host Autism Awareness Night, making for a fun and inclusive environment for individuals with autism.

  • Address: 600 Cape May St, Harrison, NJ 07029
  • Phone: (973) 268-8420

10. Sesame Place, Langhorne, Pennsylvania

Sesame Place may be right over the border in Pennsylvania, but it’s close enough to garner our attention and for you to consider taking your child with autism for a day trip. Known for being the first-ever theme park to be designated as a Certified Autism Center, Sesame Place provides quiet private rooms, low-traffic quiet areas, and a no-interaction parade viewing area so your child with autism can have the time of their life while learning in a fun, inclusive environment.

Visitors also get the chance to participate in a meet-and-greet with their favorite Sesame Street characters – like Julia, a curious and sweet four-year-old who has autism.

  • Address: 100 Sesame Road, Langhorne, Pa. 19047
  • Phone: (215) 702-3566
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Conclusion

Now you can see that having autism and other developmental disabilities does not mean you can’t have fun with your loved ones. After all, there are so many outdoor venues in New Jersey that offer a fun, inclusive, judgment-free environment for your child with autism.

If you really want to take their life to the next level and give them a safe and comfortable environment where they can learn, grow, and develop, contact Circle Care, where we provide ABA therapy in New Jersey, as well as other services tailored to your child’s specific needs. If you’re interested, sign up for our email newsletter to receive more tips and tricks like this!

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8 Coping Strategies For Sensory Overload In Children With Autism   

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As parents of children with autism, we’ve all seen children with autism experience sensory overload firsthand. It’s not something that any child can conquer easily, and no parent enjoys seeing their child in distress. 

Sensory overload occurs when a person is receiving more input from their five senses than their brain can process. Many things can trigger sensory overload, including flashing lights, loud noises, multiple conversations happening in the same room, or another person wearing strong perfume. This can prove challenging for many families, especially during the holidays, where group gatherings and festivities such as fireworks prove difficult for children with autism.

Girl Pulling On Hair And Screaming While Experiencing Sensory Overload

Although anyone can experience sensory overload, it’s associated with a number of conditions, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), sensory processing disorder (SPD), and autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

To a child with autism who experiences sensory overload, it feels as if everything is happening at once, and this feeling can make them overwhelmed and scared.

Being able to recognize sensory overload in your child is extremely important since it can help you better understand your child and manage their reactions in a positive and correct way.

What does sensory overload mean to a child? 

Identifying sensory overload in a child can be challenging, especially if there’s no co-current condition like autism, sensory processing disorder, or PTSD.

And, as we already established, sensory overload can simply occur because the child’s young brain is still developing. 

What does sensory overload look like?

You can identify sensory overload once you know what it looks like on the outside. If your child with autism displays any of the following behaviors, chances are they’re experiencing sensory overload:

  • Increased movements such as jumping and spinning
  • Difficulty focusing on certain things
  • Talking faster and louder or not talking at all
  • Covering ears or eyes from sensory input
  • Restlessness
  • Anxiety, stress, or fear of the surroundings
  • Inconsolable meltdowns
  • Refusing or insisting on certain foods or clothes

If you observe any of these behaviors in your child, have no fear. Identifying sensory overload in a child can be challenging.

Parents and caregivers often run into the mistake of attributing the symptoms to “bad behavior” until they learn how to properly understand what they are seeing.  This is important because it will help them be able to do what their child needs them to do.

Although there currently are no treatments to cure sensory overload, there are many different coping strategies you can employ to help your child manage or prevent these unpleasant situations.

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8 coping strategies for sensory overload

1. Know the Early Signs and Identify the Triggers

Look for signs of distress from your child that come from sensory-related triggers. Is your child covering their eyes or ears? Are they feeling restless? Are they refusing to eat certain foods?

Encourage your child to communicate what’s causing them to feel frustrated, angry, agitated, or any negative emotions associated with sensory overload. This will not only improve your understanding of your child but will also help you identify trigger situations that need to be avoided in the future.

2. Learn to de-escalate the situation, and avoid overreacting. 

A child experiencing a sensory overload can become physically or verbally aggressive, or have a completely irrational meltdown. It’s normal to be concerned about this behavior, but the last thing you want to do is overreact when your child suddenly becomes triggered. They’re already feeling overwhelmed, and reacting by stirring drama will only stress them out even more and worsen the situation.

Instead, 

  • Give your child space to escape and express their emotions. 
  • Use simple language or no words at all. This limits the input they are getting and helps the brain to settle down. 
  • Give your child his favorite things/activities that help him feel happy and calm; his favorite music to listen to; a calming video to watch, a book to read, or even walking away for a short period of time to air out.
  • Try using sensory regulation toys to help ground your child.

3. Accommodate your child’s preferences

Helping your child cope with sensory overload may require a great deal of accommodation and some sacrifice on your part. 

Child Holding Pinecones As A Tactile Exercise For Sensory Overload

Whenever you’re out in public places, you want to make sure your child isn’t getting too much stimulation from their senses, which can trigger sensory overload.

Things you can do to prevent this from happening include:

  • Avoiding crowded areas
  • Make a list of the things you want to buy beforehand for a quicker shopping experience.
  • Wearing sunglasses or any protective gear when you are outside

When going out to socialize, you can:

  • Meet up one-on-one with your friends.
  • Choose a quiet venue.
  • Avoid making conversation while doing something else.
  • Rest and feed your child well before going out.

You can also try to embrace the joy of missing out, or “JOMO”, but if you’re a particularly social person, this can prove to be a huge challenge for you, but your efforts will certainly pay off in the long run.

4. Remove Causes for low tolerance.

Coping with sensory overload isn’t all about avoiding triggers and making adjustments when going out to public places or socializing with friends.

It’s also about ensuring your child is well-rested, well-fed, and well hydrated. After all, any child, even one who doesn’t have the added stress of sensory overload, will have less patience, and stronger reactions when hungry, tired, or thirsty. Being proactive to remove these causes of irritability will go a long way and prime your child with autism in the best position to cope with the sensory overload.  

5. Consider therapy 

Sensory integration therapy (SIT), which was designed to help people with sensory processing issues, such as sensory processing disorder, is a therapy provided by trained occupational therapists. In a nutshell, SIT involves exposing a child to different stimuli in a safe, play-based environment to gradually reduce their hypersensitivity. 

To modify the environment for better therapy, the therapist may do things like soundproofing the room or changing artwork or other visual stimuli in the room. 

6. Reduce visual stimulation 

If you don’t experience sensory overload yourself, you may not be immediately aware of visual stimuli that could trigger your child’s sensory overload. To prevent your child from getting overwhelmed at home, you could do simple things like:

  • Reducing the items that hang from the ceiling or walls
  • Keeping small items away in bins or boxes and organizing and labeling the bins
  • Using darker bulbs instead of bright bulbs
  • Using blackout curtains or sunshades to minimize light

7. Give your child time to recover

Children Playing With Wooden Sensory & Tactile Puzzle

Going through bouts of sensory overload can be exhausting, and it can take minutes to hours to fully recover from an episode.

Sensory overload can stress your child out, and it’s important to understand that. Your child may want to count to ten, listen to music, watch a calming video, or simply take some time alone. Whatever works best for your child is the best way for them to recover. Realizing that they need this time to destress will reassure you that your child will be back to himself in due time, making walking away easier for you to do.

8. Medications

Although less commonly used to treat sensory overload in children with autism, medications can prove to be very helpful in dealing with symptoms.

Antipsychotic drugs such as Abilify (aripiprazole) and Risperdal (risperidone) are sometimes prescribed to reduce aggressiveness and irritability.

And, if your child displays signs of ADHD, drugs like Strattera (atomoxetine), Ritalin (methylphenidate), and Tenex (guanfacine) can also be prescribed.

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Conclusion

If you’re a parent whose child with autism is experiencing sensory overload, it’s perfectly normal and okay to be concerned.

However, your child’s life doesn’t have to be defined by this fairly common condition, thanks to the many coping strategies you can employ. Whenever you do things like looking for signs of distress, taking special care when socializing and going out in public, reducing your child’s visual stimulation, and giving them time to recover, you’re bringing your child closer to living a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

Interested in helping your child with autism and improving their quality of life? Contact Circle Care so we can discuss what your child needs to develop and grow. Also, join our email list and learn some of our tips, tricks, and helpful information about ABA and parents with children with autism.

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Does ABA Therapy Improve Academic Achievement?

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We all know that Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy comes with a host of benefits. In addition to improving language and communication skills, ABA therapy decreases undesired behaviors and improves attention, focus, and memory, as well as many other skills.

But what about academic performance? Do children with autism spectrum disorder perform better academically when they receive ABA therapy?

Two Girls Smiling While Doing Work At Classroom Table

The answer is yes, and there are many reasons why or ways that ABA therapy improves academic and educational achievement. These reasons include its reinforcement strategies, its elevation of positive behaviors and reduction of undesired behaviors, its emphasis on enhancing focus and motivation, and its attention to socialization and the development of social skills.

ABA Therapy Methods That Improve Behavior

Use of reinforcement strategies

One of the best-known methods used in ABA therapy is positive reinforcement, which involves rewarding a child after they’ve completed a desirable, or positive, behavior. Positive reinforcement is a key component of ABA because it drives the skills and results that are most important for your child’s success, including their academic success.

Is your child with autism already getting ABA therapy? If so, you can build on it by using effective reinforcement strategies when you’re at home. And, if your child is attending private or public school, you should let their teachers know that positive reinforcement is key to their wellbeing. Classes with reward systems and rules for everyone to follow are most effective.

Since ABA uses some of the best ways to reinforce desirable behaviors, you and your child’s teachers can use these strategies to improve academic productivity. Some tried-and-tested reinforcers for academic achievement include:

  • Verbal praise
  • Free time
  • Favorite foods or special treats
  • Specific activities like going to the park, watching a movie, etc.

If done properly, reinforcing your child’s positive behaviors can improve your child’s academic performance by helping them develop all the positive, productive behaviors associated with school and academics.

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Elevation of positive behaviors

It’s not uncommon for children with autism to demonstrate behaviors like fidgeting, stimming (repetitive body movement or noises), aggression, and ignoring their peers and teachers, which can get in the way of their ability to succeed in a traditional academic environment, such as a public school classroom. Fortunately, ABA can address the root cause of those behaviors, and, as a result, it can serve as an outstanding supplement to your child’s academic program.

When combined with plenty of practice at home, ABA therapy can function as a tool to boost your child’s positive behaviors that will help them in their day-to-day life.

Young Asian Girl Smiling While Working On Schoolwork

If they’re receiving ABA therapy, it’s essential that you communicate with their Board Certified Behavior Analysts (BCBAs) and Registered Behavior Technicians (RBTs) so they, too, can work on the behaviors that create challenges for your child in and out of the classroom.

Emphasis on motivation and focus

The structured environment that ABA therapy provides outside of school allows your child to focus on the things that are most essential to their success. And, when they’re in a center-based environment, they can receive an individualized treatment plan that helps them develop important academic qualities, like focus and motivation.

While focus helps your child sustain their attention and effort when completing academic work, motivation energizes them and directs their behavior toward academic achievement. That’s why focus and motivation are extremely important in school. And, thankfully, ABA therapy is equipped with the resources needed to help your child develop these skills and put your child on the right track in school.

Attention to socialization 

Because most traditional classrooms involve interacting with fellow students, as well as the teacher, as part of the learning process, possessing social skills is very important. Many children with autism, unlike most neurotypical (non-autistic) children, struggle with social activities, such as taking turns, initiating conversation, and reading other people’s non-verbal cues, and they need special training so they can interact with other people in a positive way.

The good news is that ABA therapy incorporates social skills training so your child can develop and hone their social skills.

Here are some of the areas that ABA therapy focuses on when conducting social skills training:

Conversation 

Conversation training involves practicing different exchanges with peers and staying on topic (when it’s a preferred topic). Your child will also learn how to take turns when having conversations, as well as how to initiate conversation. Other skills your child will learn are how to determine when another person isn’t interested in having a conversation, when to avoid certain topics, and how to change the topic.

Body language 

Body language, which includes eye contact, facial expressions, and gestures, is a very important part of communication. ABA therapy will teach your child how to use their own body language as well as read other people’s body language.

Diverse Group Of Children Socializing & Reading Together In School

Parallel play 

This involves your child playing near or alongside other children. In parallel play training, your child will learn how to approach their peers, request to play with them, and share their toys.

Playing games 

Your child will learn a host of skills when learning how to play games. These skills include taking turns, showing good sportsmanship, communicating with other players while playing games, and winning and losing appropriately.

Improving their social skills, especially skills associated with conversation, body language, and play will go a long way in helping your child achieve academic success. That’s why ABA therapy, which teaches these skills in addition to many other skills, is an excellent way to boost your child’s academic performance.

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Conclusion

It’s a well-known fact that ABA therapy comes with a plethora of advantages. But one commonly asked question is whether ABA therapy improves academic performance in children. The answer is a resounding yes, which shouldn’t be surprising.

After all, ABA therapy uses reinforcement strategies that drive results and the development of skills and positive behaviors. It also elevates positive behaviors while reducing or eliminating undesired behaviors. Lastly, this type of therapy emphasizes focus, motivation, and socialization, skills that are key to strong academic performance. These are all skills that, when harnessed by your child, propels them to higher academic achievement.

If you’re interested in helping your child with autism and improving their academic performance and overall quality of life, contact Circle Care Services.

We also encourage you to join our email list so you can learn more tips and tricks about raising your child with autism.

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How Does a Child with Autism Affect Siblings?

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Jealousy in siblings of a child with autism is real, and reducible. Having a child with autism affects every member of the family in different ways. The relationship of the parent and the child, the relationship between the siblings, and even the marriage between parents of children with autism are affected by the diagnosis. When there is a family with more than one child and there is one sibling who has autism, there are several dynamics that can occur amongst the children.

Do you recognize these signs of sibling jealousy in your neurodivergent home?

6 Common Reactions In Children Living With an Autistic Sibling

There are four common responses from children when there is a sibling who is diagnosed with autism in the family.

Two Jealous Siblings Fighting And Pulling Hair

Indifference

Some children seem completely uninterested. This is usually due to communication issues with their sibling who has autism. For example, if a child with autism is non-verbal and they tend to engage in stimming behaviors (self-soothing, repetitive actions), it makes cooperative play less likely between siblings. Even if a typically developing sibling initiates communication or play with the sibling who has autism, the duration of time that the siblings are engaged is limited and both siblings move on to other things. This can cause a typically developing sibling to become indifferent to any further communication or interaction in the future.

Overprotectiveness

Some siblings react to their sibling(s) with autism by watching, hovering, and protecting them as though they were secondary parents. Perhaps they have been put in a position at home or in school to watch their sibling or perhaps it is just the child’s nature to nurture. Whatever the case, it is easy to identify which siblings are the protectors of the sibling(s) with autism. They are often leading their sibling with autism around, assisting them with tasks, speaking for them, and even directing them from one location or task to the next. Overprotective behavior can often appear controlling or bossy- but the motive is protection for the sibling that has deficits.

Anger/Frustration

Having a sibling who cannot communicate or express feelings can be trying for the sibling who does not have autism. There is no clear and direct method of discussing, planning, and carrying out imaginary play. If the sibling with autism is upset, the sibling without autism can feel helpless to respond to the upset. Helplessness often leads to feelings of frustration and sometimes anger because the typically developing sibling cannot resolve anything that requires clear communication or imagination which is necessary when interacting with a child with autism. The anger or frustration can be even more apparent when the typically developing sibling is interrupted by the sibling with autism while playing with another typically developing child. 

Embarrassment

Some typically developing children feel embarrassed by the behavior of a sibling with autism. If a typically developing child is trying to interact with other typically developing peers and a sibling with autism intervenes with noise-making, hand flapping, or any other outward behaviors that interrupt the scene, it is not uncommon for the typically developing sibling to feel mortified at the display. Perhaps the child is worried about their friend being uncomfortable or scared of their sibling. Maybe, there are behaviors that are borderline inappropriate that the typically developing sibling fears. Whatever the case, embarrassment is a reasonable and normal response from young typically developing children when it comes to living with a sibling who has autism. 

Jealousy

Jealousy is a tough emotion to deal with because it may not appear as jealousy when it surfaces. Jealousy in children with autism and their siblings may look different. For their siblings, jealousy can appear as anger or deep sadness and retreat from a typically developing sibling. The most common reason for jealousy is undoubtedly the extra attention that the sibling with autism receives.

For parents of children with autism, this is hard to avoid because most children with autism usually require direction, redirection, correction, praise, and assistance with bodily functions, eating, and communicating. With all of these areas that require parental or adult assistance, time is taken away from the typically developing sibling. They are entrusted to figure things out, wait patiently, or help. The percentage of time that the typically developing peer receives from a parent or adult is a fraction of the time that the sibling with autism receives.

Yet, a typically developing child also requires forms of noncontingent attention, guidance, and communication. It is no wonder why some form of jealousy might surface. When it does, depending on the age of the typically developing sibling, it may appear as regression (acting like a baby or acting younger than they are), aggression (hitting, tantrums, shoving), rejection of the sibling with autism (yelling at them to go away, shutting them out of a room), annoying parents and adults by acting out, and causing disruptions that require adult attention to remedy, among others.

Loneliness

If prolonged periods of time go by and a typically developing sibling is neglected long enough, this can cause some emotional challenges. A child can start to feel lonely and sad. Loneliness and sadness can become apathy, and apathy can cause a child to retreat to an activity that soothes or/and entertains them. Perhaps watching videos, playing video games, or any other activity that takes their mind off of feeling neglected. Often, these typically developing siblings will find friends online via social media, chat rooms, and online games that have virtual players and teams. Like anything else, this can be a positive or a negative experience. The main concern with online activities is safety. Left unchecked, many children and teens have exposed themselves to dangerous situations online because they are unaware of the tactics and the threat that can be present online. The best solution to this is to avoid putting your child in a position to cure loneliness through outside sources of communication and to closely monitor online activity.

Three Siblings Sitting On A Couch & Laughing

Sometimes a child may exhibit a combination of reactions. For example, overprotectiveness and embarrassment. This can be confusing or lead to guilt in a sensitive sibling. As a parent, understanding your child is the first step in supporting them. Keeping an open non-judging perspective and realizing that it isn’t only you and your child with autism facing adversity, but the sibling is also.

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How to Deal with a Jealous Sibling

All of these considerations can be overwhelming when you think about them. There is so much responsibility as a parent to meet the needs of every child in the family. When a child with special needs is part of the family, it is easy to become distracted to the point of unintentional neglect of the others.

It takes a concerted effort to make sure that everyone in the family is feeling included and attended to. 

So, what can you do as a parent to attend to everyone and keep jealousy from rearing its ugly head? 

Here are some tips to consider:

Spend Time

Give equal time to all of your children. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, but if you literally schedule special time with each child it can make a huge difference. It doesn’t have to be an extraordinary amount of time, either. Just making the time sacred, uninterrupted, and intentional will help that child who is feeling jealous feel better about their connection to you as a parent. For example, take a 15-minute walk with your child. Take a drive to the yogurt shop together. Make a batch of cookies together. Whatever it is, just make sure that it is a special time for you and that one child. Do the same for the other children in the family.

Listen

If you see anger or frustration, take a minute to discuss those feelings with your child and ask them what would help them to feel less angry or frustrated. If they cannot answer right away, give it time and tell them to come back and communicate when they are able to express why they are angry. In the meantime, give a lot of hugs and praise to reassure that child in the family that you see them, you hear them,  and you love them.

Accommodate

For the child who is feeling embarrassed about a sibling with autism, make sure you communicate with that child and find out what it is that is embarrassing to them. Give them some guaranteed time with their typically developing peers that they can rely on so that they aren’t afraid of intrusion or embarrassment. It’s only fair to allow them some private time with friends when the rest of their time with family is centered around living with a sibling with autism. Another option is to teach them to educate their friends about autism and prepare them for the possible behaviors that could occur. By teaching them to do this, you are helping them to inform others, and teach empathy and respect for others with a disability. You also help the typically developing child to feel a sense of control over the environment rather than fear embarrassment at the unexpected behaviors that may arise during a visit with friends.

Relieve

For the overprotective sibling, a sense of responsibility rests on their shoulders that a young child should not have to carry. Encourage your typically developing child to have some time with their own friends. Keep aware of how much you are asking the typically developing sibling to watch over their sibling with autism; make sure that they don’t start to feel like a second parent. Teach your typically developing sibling to step back and allow their sibling with autism to answer their own questions, ask for their own needs and wants and lead the way once in a while. Remind your typically developing child that they need to be a good example but they are still equal in your eyes. Relieve them of feeling overburdened and responsible beyond what a sibling is responsible for.

Three Siblings Playing With Toys On The Ground

It is a big job raising children, and an even bigger job to raise one or more children with autism in the mix. Families with children who have autism need support and guidance. 

If you have a growing concern with sibling jealously, do not let it fester. Early intervention is one of the most powerful tools when it comes to therapy, so don’t hesitate to seek support. Reach out to a Mental Health Professional for guidance. If you have a child with autism, you can learn how to help your child acquire skills that will help them with communication, learning, and self-care. 

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Circle Care Services in New Jersey will help you and your family gain tools to build skills for life. Starting with ABA therapy right away is a great step towards successful living, communication, and family interaction. Contact us today to get started with ABA therapy, or sign up for our email list to receive more tips about parenting and life with a child with autism.

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